| Mezu-Masta! And a question to all... |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|01:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Well come tomorrow Mezu starts working! Bring in the big bucks and rake in the cash. =3 No more sitting around being lame. Ah well. I'll still have more than enough time for that.
Which brings me to the reason I'm writing. I have to wonder if I'm the only one who's ever felt very, very guilty about enjoying something. Has there ever been some hobby or movement or thing that you enjoy, and are well aware that the general public looks down upon it as amoral or wrong? So much so that even you yourself feel it is wrong, and yet you still enjoy it anyway?
I've taken a fascination in EroGuro, also known as the Erotic Grotesque. I find something strangely almost beautiful about it. Of course, Mezu tends to take things far too seriously and feels really horrible about the potential of seeing someone, fictional or not, in such distress, that she could never bring herself to do many fan-things of the EroGuro nature. Is there a point where fanfiction just takes things a little too far? I've always wondered...at what point does it become a desecration of character? Does such a point even exist? Do you feel strange when you write about a subject you enjoy but know the original creator would keel over and die upon seeing it? Like squick, rape, death, guro, and other fetish or completely AU fiction and art from any series, are all things really game?
I know if someone wrote slash or drew erotic pictures of -my- characters, I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind silly stories, parodies, what have you. But some things I think would really hurt me on a personal level: character death, graphic rape, extreme ooc, etc. If one is going to take things to such an extent..I don't know.
I bring this up because while I did have a longing to make/draw/write EroGuro of some sort in the future, I don't think I can bring myself to use existing characters that are not mine, from any fandom, for this purpose. Something hitches in my chest and makes me feel almost sick. Ironic, isn't it? I suppose any EroGuro one sees from Mezu will contain original character specifically crafted for this purpose. Don't worry. They will more than enjoy their play. =D
I just wonder if I'm the only weirdo who feels guilty about her pleasures. Haha!
But if I also think gore is beautiful, should I think it a beautiful thing to do to my favorite characters? Maybe my hesitation proves I am not a true 'fan'. But over time, 'squick' has become far more inventive and extends beyond simple "oh, you did NOT just pair those two!" Anything seems to fly! Ha, sometimes pieces I find which usually would not settle with me are done with such love and care than I can't help but see the good in them. Others frankly make me sick. But then again, does it make a difference if the Guro I write and draw is made with love and care and all of that mushy stuff..or is it just wrong on all levels, despite the author's deep love for their subjects? Is it even love at all?
I'm not really sure...but I welcome a full discussion on the matter! I'm really curious!
[[[EDIT:]]] Talking to a friend really helped me understand in some respects, and I feel much calmer and happier now. Still, you're welcome to share views. I still wonder. =D |
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| Red Tape and a Bondage Crown |
[Jun. 14th, 2005|12:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Freedom from the dodgy internet which had been a pox upon my house! Haha. =3 My laptop is still acting a bit disgruntled, but we are thinking that it due to something being shorted in the wiring of the keyboard to the mainframe. Yes yes, brilliant language used there. Mezu obviously knows her what's what when it comes to elektrick.
It seems my keyboard loves to type random letters and numbers when I hit certain keys. This is quite the strange behavior.
As for everyone who asked about how long my power was out, it was only one day. =3 They usually fix those things square away. This time was no exception. Grandmama and I had a relaxing afternoon hanging around.
Being away from the internet this past ..nearly a week? Wow. Has made me realize just how much time I've started spending on it. Not that I really mind, though it did surprise me. Of course, this time would only be spent scribbling or playing video games anyway. Mezu holds gamer pride before all else!
Still in some fickle sort of love.
Still the same gorgeous, Magical Me. Ohohohoho!
Still unemployed but not for much longer.
Interview on Thursday at 4PM!
I think my RP pals hate me. =( |
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| I still have time to do this, though. |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|11:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
Sharing is Caring.
Spread the Love
This week's song for share: J-E-N-O-V-A by The Black Mages
If you haven't heard The Black Mages and their spiffy covers of Final Fantasy tracks, let this be the song that gets you hooked. Even if you don't know of or enjoy the game in question, this is a really emotion-filled and intense piece of instrumental genius. And hey, it's a free download. Let me know if you take!
Chorus:
Um.."doo do DOOO do do do do DOOOO" ..? |
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| ramblings |
[Jun. 3rd, 2005|10:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
I think I'm in love. That, or I'm just suffering from a huge crush. My heart goes thump-thump. Doki-doki. Oya.
I watched A Series of Unfortunate Events last night and Olaf's clothes made the entire thing. Everything was swept into the background in comparison to the glory that is Olaf's attire. So. Cool.
I haven't felt like writing. I haven't felt like doing much of anything other than drinking coffee and playing Disgaea. Hopefully this weekend Mezu will be back to her usual self again. I'm just writing now to remind myself, and everyone, that I am still alive. Sometimes words are good for that. |
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| It's Tough to be a God. |
[May. 31st, 2005|11:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  numb | ] |
I love sleeping through the hottest part of the day. It is my greatest guilty pleasure in life. Turning on my fan and falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon with the sun softly streaming in my window is pure bliss. Today, after getting my hair cut, I did just that. I always have crazy dreams when I take these naps, too, which makes the experience that much better.
Dreaming about living in an old castle only to find out your bed is haunted, levitates, and posesses you with the spirit of a wiccan goth when you try to sleep is pretty strange in itself. That is, until Professor Snape shows up and tells you to go buy him some beer and then move into his mansion with him. When you get back from the Stop n' Shop with a six pack of cold ones after narrowly escaping a cult of thug gangsters riding big wheels, Snape tells you he's taking you into the city for a party and you better shower. In the bathroom which is being rained on..(must be the 'shower' ) you promptly have your period and curse because, well, you have no feminine products and you sure as hell aren't going back to the store to get any lest those thugs manage to pedal after you this time. What a day, you think to yourself.
Excuse me while I go explode with sexual frustration now. What brings about this sudden urge to be randy, I'll never know. |
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| Said I dig you baby but I've got to keep movin' on. |
[May. 31st, 2005|01:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
Today Mezu attended a Memorial Day party and had fun being the odd one out. She sat around hanging out with her only female cousin who happens to be eight years old and totally adorable. It's funny how I'm a hero to that little girl, just because I'm a girl and I'm totally cool-looking. We sat around and talked about cartoons because she knows I watch them. Then I played Star Wars with the little kids. I got to be Ayla Secura since she's by far the hottest chick in the whole thing. I still haven't seen the Revenge of the Sith. Oya. Don't kill me for that. Haven't really had the chance to. Fighting the little cousins with their new lightsabers was fun though. I got to use a green one that made wooshing sounds when I swung it. My smallest cousin had the best one however. It changed colours from blue to red depending on if you were Anakin or Vader. So cool. I also am now the proud owner of a Boba Fett pez head. For some reason I am addicted to pez. Strawberry owns my soul and gut.
The quote of the evening:
Four year old cousin: Does candy make you grow?
Aunt: No.
Me: Wider, not taller.
And that is the reason my family puts up with me. |
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| There's a taste in my mouth, and it's no taste at all. |
[May. 27th, 2005|07:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | David Bowie - Queen Bitch | ] |
Sharing is Caring.
Spread the Love
This week's song for share: Queen Bitch by David Bowie
I hope Nia doesn't mind me jumping on her bandwagon and offering up some of my music to share with friends too. It is really a great idea. I love being exposed to new things and I have so many random things to give. I love my favorite songs. Hah. =3
Chorus:
She's so swishy in her satin and tat.
In her frock coat
and bipperty-bopperty hat.
Oh God, I could do better than that!
In other news, Morrowind is coming alone nicely. I now have a Gilderoy Lockhart character who is really pathetic. I'll try to get a screencap of him doing some Lockhart-esque things. Mezu is also getting her hairs cut. More Rufus-esque again. I really do love having short hair. The boys tend to believe me when I say I'm a lesbian moreso when I have a butch doo. I love when I tell some guy that I fancy chicks only to be told "Nah, you're not a lesbian." Oh wow, since you say so Mr Stud, I must not be! kthx for telling me, I never woulda known. XD Haha. Oya, I don't look much like a boy otherwise, unless I'm a sickly one. I only weigh about 115 pounds and wear rainbow pants with a black t-shirt displaying a pinup girl on it. Not a lesbian at all, guys. =3 Not me.. |
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| Priceless |
[May. 26th, 2005|02:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  HAHA | ] |
This was too freakin' priceless not to post in my own journal.
It's actually for a role-play I'm in. I doodle characters and story moments for Gilderoy Lockhart's journal.
He likes to make pictures. Funny, eh? It's also the product of 5AM.
We met Snape for the first time. =D B.F.F.L. |
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| Morrowind, Gilderoy Lockhart, and Dreams |
[May. 25th, 2005|03:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  coffeefied. | ] |
I've been playing Morrowind without remorse these past few days. I suppose the loneliness of home is starting to set in. At least I have a lot to do! I play a sexy Spellsword Imperial named Prince Dolorian!
Role-playing Gilderoy Lockhart a bunch lately has made me want to make him in Morrowind and create a custom class for him. I wonder how crappy I'd do! I'd have to have all Speechcraft abilities and perhaps a minor in Alteration or Illusion. No really good magics for Gilderoy! Unless you give him Distruction on account of his bumbling...but that might be cheating. Would have to give him Blunt Weapon since I think that's what a staff is. Closest thing to a wand..and it'll be amusing to see him whapping junk with it. Harhar. I'm already in the middle of my Dolorian game, but I think I'm going to make a Gilderoy today just for fun and to screw around with. I'll try to get him to turn into a vampire or something. Haha!
If I were playing Remus Lupin, I could turn him into a werewolf. It would just be...difficult.
Gilderoy would most likely be an Imperial too though, and I'm already playing the Prettyboy of Morrowind. Oya, I think an elf of some sort would work too since I do see some rather lovely ones running around. I always mistake the women for pretty men though until I hear their voices. Durr.
Is it wrong I'm attracted to the female khajiit? Pretty..kitty...=3 Adurrrr..
And last night was the first night I can ever remember having a dream with a song in it. Strange. Does anyone else ever dream to music? I never did before. It was really different especially because the song was "A Whole New World" from Aladdin. I haven't heard that song in months, watched it with the roommate one night. But now I'm really inspired. Weird weird.
On to another day of cleaning through my clutter and playing computer games.
edit: A friend is talking about applying to Disney College. That reminded me of when Ariel looked at me and smiled even brighter as she waved to the crowd. I turned about a million shades of red because she was breathtakingly beautiful. She most likely noticed me due to my being in front of the parade and being the one standing in -total awe- of her. There's something about gorgeous ladies on pedistals I'll never outgrow. |
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| Question |
[May. 24th, 2005|05:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
I was asked this question in my previous 'meme' and found that the answer was so long it broke the comment box. That or my connection timed out. While I didn't get to save the other answers and will have to type them once again when I feel like defeating that mental task again, here is the one answer I had already decided needed its own entry.
What is so special about your bond to Rufus [Shinra]?
Rufus is the one character in all of video game history that has just latched on to me and hasn't let go. No character, no actor, no story or television star has ever really hit me so hard and deep before. Perhaps I read too far into things or elaborate them to the point of no return. I've always admired the President and saw the many ways in which we, fundamentally, were similar. I've tried very hard to relate to character since. It just doesn't work like that anymore. They've already nailed me down and that can't be changed.
Of course, I'm a person. I'm very rounded and have many sides to me that most characters never emcompass fully. But there is a little Rufus that lives somewhere in the back of my mind telling me that our situations are far from different.
So was I Rufus?
Is Rufus me?
Honestly I don't know how to explain things clearly. It's just something that struck me. So rather than brush it aside I've decided to embrace it.
I've done silly things over the years such as dressing like him, naming my cat Dark Nation. (He's sitting right next to me now, actually. I missed him while at school.) and having my hair cut and styled like his. That still remains for the most part actually. I really like it. It just needs a trim now. Oya. Too long! I've wrote countless 'fanfics', art, anything I could do to elaborate on something that wouldn't let me go.
Maybe it was mentor worship in a sense that I never looked to the media as a child, rather played games. I suppose therein I found my 'hero' in the guise of an icy unfortunate tyrant left alone to deal with solving problems that were not his.
There's more. I know. I can't piece my thoughts together correctly at the moment. But that's the gist of it. |
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| And the answer was 42. |
[May. 24th, 2005|02:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
Ask me 4 Questions
Any 4, no matter how personal, private or random.
I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
-----
I wanted to do this 'meme' thing since a few other people are posting it. It sounds interesting, and I'd like to be asked questions I wouldn't normally ramble on about endlessly anyway. Sometimes I wonder what others wonder about me. Putting yourself up on display and asking others to take you at face value over the internet never really left a good taste in my mouth, quite honestly. I'm much more comfortable seeing your smiling face so I can tell that you're fond of me. Perhaps that's why I've stayed away for so long. The drama is tiresome and as much as I hate to admit it, hurtful as well. It is hard to defend yourself via a computer screen. But then again, who is ever going to connect those harsh words or bitter lies with your face? No one, unless they know you personally.
If ever I was to bond seriously with anyone from cyberland, I would have to have other means of contact with her, or him. Sometimes I fear getting too close to people. It breaks down my resolve and my walls. And yet I'm happy and perky and friendly. Really..what other way -is- there to be, to show you are honestly interested in the person on the other end of the line?
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I honestly care too much about relationships and haven't quite sorted out how they work this way. I like to make silly faces at my friends, play games, and build towers out of leftovers when we go out to eat.
I'm happy to be starting to get to know a bunch of seemingly cool people who I don't see every day, however. I just have to remember to present myself as me, lest my words give me away as something I'm not.
That would really suck.
Hardestcore. |
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| GLEE! |
[May. 23rd, 2005|02:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  GLEE | ] |
Today is going to be used for cleaning out all my stuff, playing Disgaea and working towards getting the Angel class, and waiting around all night for role-play. Eeeep. It has been a long time since I've role-played. During my break from the internet all I had was writing in a marble notebook with a few friends and passing it back and forth. Now I have new people to write with! I'm so excited! I just can't hide it! I'm also excited to be joining a second role-play soon and to say that it will be Resident Evil based! Mezu's such a tard when it comes to that sort of stuff. What a total nerd. =D
I really want to have a Disgaea role-play. Hey, if I started one I wonder if anyone would join? Maybe if I have time between the Harry Potter and Resident Evil things. I don't want to get myself into too much. Being able to play Etna though..oh man. I'd just want a sassy Flonne to heckle, or maybe a Mid-Boss. Haha!
LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT TODAY!
And I'm totally spazzing about it and I know it must be super annoying to my friends, but isn't calm and collected President Mezu allowed to tard once in a while? I can't wait until he gets here.
Ha! xD
Enough of that. I went out and got Haunting Ground yesterday too! Being home must be a good thing, because I've been getting showered with money like it was confetti. I'm not going to complain about that. |
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| Not again! |
[May. 21st, 2005|02:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irked | ] |
| [ | music |
| | T.M. Revolution - Black or White | ] |
Damn it. I always do this. Whenever I read a new book, I always screw myself over. I get bored with a certain part and then have to skip forward randomly. But of course, I start reading from this random point. I can't stop. Then I end up either finishing the book or getting surprisingly far from the random point I started up at. Damn it. I suppose I have a short attention span or something of the sort. After I do something like that I don't feel as if I've actually read the book. Some parts of it didn't even earn my comprehension. Maybe that's why Mezu did so horribly in lit classes. It's just strange that I both like to read and don't at the same time. Wonder if I'm the only jerk that does this. Arg. It's like sinning only without all the fun. I can't stop doing it.
And that's why I need a beautiful woman to read aloud to me. She will certainly have my full attention. |
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| Home again home again |
[May. 20th, 2005|02:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  poop'd! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | New Order - Blue Monday | ] |
Jiggity Jig! =3
I have never in my life packed and unpacked or moved so many boxes, bags, and just plain junk around. Honestly, it was a workout! I'm going to be a buff little girl in no time. Too much clothing! Too much everything! But I'm done. I'm home. I'm eating a subway sandwich and playing Smash Bros. I'm excellent. I have extra money to go out and buy some new manga and games with to amuse myself over the summer. I also need to start looking for a job. Mezu can hope the bookstore or town hall is in need of some gamer lesbian staff. Two years of schooling down, two more to go. Two more years of living in my own little world, two more years of slacking off, two more years of getting a free ride and an enlightening education.
Soon Mezu will be selling and ebaying lots of things. When she figures out what, she'll put a list up here. Might be good to try and give them away. Yaoi and Yuri doujinshi will be in the mix. I found way too much junk when I cleaned out my room. Some things I don't even like anymore. Sailor Moon, while I have a connection and love for Uranus/Neptune, I just don't watch or read much anymore. Meh. It was an era a few years ago that has finally come to a close.
final fantasy vii technical demo for ps3
Tech Demo. Yeah. As a friend of mine said, we hope to heaven above for a remake. The character models look lifted from AC, but nonetheless, let's keep dreaming. While I am mildly excited for AC (RUFUS!) and uh..that..Vincent cesspool, I'd much rather just have a good ol' remake that fixes bugs, loopholes, and makes the game darn pretty.
Also, howdy to all my new watchers and friends. We're pleased to have you with us. |
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| Living Dead Girl |
[May. 17th, 2005|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Powerman 5000 - Bombshell | ] |
Only a few more days until I am free from school and all of its bothers. Mezu returns home to her big house and her loving pets and her endless nights of gaming.
Last night roomie and I watched Akira at about 3AM. I've seen it so many times with her, but I am always in awe of it when it is through. It makes me fall in love with animation every time I see it. I think it speaks to me on a number of levels, the society and politics of it all. I do need to read the manga at some point, been meaning to do so. Otomo's art is mind-blowingly detailed.
I can imagine a single man hovering over a darkened desk, penciling, inking, measuring, finding perfection with his nitpicking every last detail. I would like to think that I have the same drive and devotion, but that isn't always the case. Then again, I'm glamourizing it. I have a bad habit of doing that when I feel like it. Most of the times I strive towards the perfection I craft in my mind. Other times I set myself up for disappointment. Mezu hates the feeling of being let down. She doesn't put her faith in many because of this. |
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| HELO INTARWEB |
[May. 15th, 2005|01:46 pm] |
I'm new to this whole online journal thing. Up until now I've been stubborn and have maintained keeping a journal on actual paper that I could touch and feel. Ah well. Peer pressure and the knowledge that it might be easier to connect to others this way egged me on to doing this. Wonder how it will go? Let us wait and see. :3 I have been an avid follower of this place called the interweb, however, despite my lack of participating in it. I feel like I'm coming out of the closet or something, like joining the online world is some sort of disgrace. Alas.
Hopefully I'll have some things to write about soon. I'm a fan. I rant and rave about junk I doubt most people care about. I'm also what the internet calls 'otherkin' or 'otakin'. This requires a deeper thought pattern to explain and I cannot muster the brainpower to do so at the moment. That is for another time. Let us just say now that I am quite strange and if you do not like being associated with strangeness, do not associate with me. Other than that, I'm harmless. I like to bite, but won't if you're not willing. X3
x.o. - Mezu |
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